We all carry that little kid version of ourselves around with us every day. The little kid that got that present back in the day that was cool, mostly because it could electrocute you, burn down the house, maim your pets, disfigure your siblings, teach you about the ways of torture or just frustrate the crap out of you because it never worked like it did in the commercial.
Nowadays the trend is to bubble wrap everything and cover it in Nerf so none of those interesting and character building side effects ever happen. And that's too bad because chicks dig scars and those stories are usually the most interesting to bring up with complete strangers. There's really no ice breaker like the "Let me tell you how Stretch Armstrong nearly drowned my baby sister" story.
This article is to inspire talk about the pussification of toys we used to use, and asks the question "What should be back on the market if lawyers didn't F*** it all up?"